


Hiding Out in the Couch

by sinkcat



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Anxiety, Asexuality Spectrum, Awkward situations, Codependency, Consent Issues, Creepy, Episode Related, Friendship, Implied Past Child Abuse, Masturbation, Mental Health Issues, Non-Explicit, Other, Platonic Life Partners, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-29
Updated: 2016-02-29
Packaged: 2018-05-23 21:18:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6130383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinkcat/pseuds/sinkcat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Frank accidentally catches Charlie pounding off. Inspired by "A Very Sunny Christmas." This story is surprisingly canon-ish and non-graphic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Comfy Couch

**Author's Note:**

> I HAD to write this after watching "A Very Sunny Christmas." A word of warning: This story is fucked up and there are consent issues all over the place, but I made sure to keep everything as close to canon as possible. There's no sex between Frank and Charlie in this story.
> 
> If you're a fan of their relationship, you might enjoy this story. Or at least not hate it. LOL.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frank falls asleep in the couch and the shaking couch wakes him up.

Frank sits on the couch bored as hell. He wasn't feeling well earlier, so he had to miss out on The Gang's shenanigans. Suddenly, an idea pops into his head: Hide in the couch and scare Charlie when he gets home!

_Perfect_ _!_ Frank thinks with glee. He cuts a hole in their couch, takes some of the stuffing out, and forces himself inside. At first, he feels crushed and claustrophobic, but as time passes, he begins to feel warm and comfortable. The dark and soothing surroundings make Frank sleepy.

Frank wakes up to the couch shaking. _Earthquake!_ is Frank's first thought. Then, he hears heavy breathing. _Charlie! There's an earthquake and Charlie's hurt!_ Panicking, Frank shoots his head out of the couch ready to rescue his friend. He sees Charlie sitting upright, his face flushed, eyes closed, and mouth slightly open. A faded, red blanket covers his lower body. His hands are moving rhythmically under the blanket. _Holy shit! Charlie's poundin' off!_ Frank can barely contain his excitement.

Sometimes, Frank finds it fascinating to watch Charlie do normal things like this because he has trouble seeing Charlie as a human being. He has to constantly remind himself that Charlie is not an alien or something. Frank has done his share of drugs and other dangerous stunts, but Charlie should be dead or at _least_ a tomato looking at the sheer amount of shit he ingests and the severe beatings and injuries and shocks that he receives. Not to mention the fact that Charlie looks part-elf and sounds like he mainlines helium. And Charlie says the craziest shit sometimes. There are no real people like him. (Well, there's Deandra, who looks and sounds like a bird-person, but…she’s not) Maybe Charlie's uniqueness is why Frank likes him so much.

Frank notices that Charlie is smiling. It's the same smile that he wears when he's feeling really good, like when he's eating cheese or beating Frank at Night Crawlers or talking about how cute the Waitress is.

Frank loves to see Charlie like this. He can tell that Charlie is one of the happiest members of The Gang on account of his innocent nature, but he definitely has a darker, sadder side and he's not sure if it's ever going to go away. If only life could always be like this for him.

A frustrated groan interrupts Frank's thoughts, so he focuses his attention on Charlie again. As minutes go by, Frank realizes that Charlie is one of the most boring masturbators he has ever seen and he is taking too. long. to. finish. Frank sends a psychic message to Charlie's brain: _Hurry up, Charlie! I don't got all day ta watch you poundin' it!_ Charlie picks up speed; Frank feels like a wizard. He watches Charlie like he's watching the Kentucky Derby.

_Finally_ , Charlie finishes. Frank feels a jolt rush through him as Charlie's heaving body slowly slides down the couch, a drunkish grin spreading on his bearded face. Frank is surprised by how beautiful he finds Charlie. If Charlie stayed like this, he could watch him for maybe two more minutes. _I sound like a homo_ , Frank chuckles quietly to himself.

And then Frank sneezes. Hard. Charlie jumps, his head shooting in Frank's direction.

"The hell?!" Charlie screeches.

Frank is not sure what to do, so he wipes his nose with the back of his hand.

"Wha...?" Charlie's eyes adjust. "Man, what're you doin' in the couch?"

Frank quickly figures out that he’ll have to redirect Charlie's attention.

"The couch was shaking and it woke me up," Frank states matter-of-factly.

Charlie gapes at Frank before looking down at his blanket.

"S-sorry. I was, uh, I was havin' a dream…about...milksteak...attacking me..."

Charlie is so adorable that Frank _has_ to fuck with him.

"Must've been _some_ dream." A tiny smirk forms on Frank's face as Charlie's face turns a darker shade of pink.

"Ha-ha. What're you talkin' about, man?" Charlie's voice does that dog whistle thing that always hurts Frank's ears.

Frank decides to give up on teasing Charlie before he blows out his eardrums. "I'm just messin' with ya," he laughs lightly.

Charlie smiles sheepishly.

They find themselves just staring at each other. Charlie looks like he's trapped in a fart at an important business meeting. He’s making Frank wonder if this situation is messed up. Like, maybe he overstepped some kind of "line" in their relationship. Is it or is it not okay to secretly watch your buddy pounding off like it's some kind of soap? They're so close that sometimes he pounds off when Charlie's asleep next to him. If that's not weird, this isn't weird. Right?

Charlie breaks the silence. "I have to go to the bathroom."

One last jab. "You pissed yourself?"

"No! I just...I just...I hafta go to the bathroom, okay?!"

"Okay," Frank says, slightly taken aback by Charlie's loud voice.

Charlie runs his hands up and down his thighs and wraps the blanket tightly around his waist before rising from the couch. "My pants kind of...fell apart while...the dream. You know how that is," Charlie laughs weakly.

With all of his might, Frank fights the urge to shout, "You jizzed in your pants! You jizzed in your pants! I saw you poundin' off and you didn't even know I was there!" while laughing maniacally because this shit is hilarious. But Charlie's a fragile little psycho-butterfly sometimes, so he's not sure how that would turn out. Plus, he likes this little game that they're playing.

"Do what you gotta do. I'll just stay in the couch a little bit longer. It's very comfy. You should try it sometime."

"Yeah...?" Charlie stumbles off to the bathroom.

Frank stares at the Charlie-shaped imprint in the couch. Grinning like a Chesire cat, he knows. He _has_ to do this again. Next time, though, Charlie won't know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this chapter wasn't too squick-y. LOL. I hope you enjoyed it. If you can, please leave a comment. I love feedback. Thanks.
> 
> Canon elements used in this story:
> 
> 1\. Frank admits to Dee and Dennis that he sometimes hides in the couch and catches Charlie masturbating in "A Very Sunny Christmas."
> 
> 2\. Charlie mentions that he has woken up to Frank masturbating in "Mac is a Serial Killer."
> 
> 3\. Charlie's behavior is based off his reaction when Dee mentions that she caught him masturbating in the bar in "The Aluminum Monster vs. Fatty Magoo."
> 
> 4\. Mac cleans up their apartment so well he ends up making an extra room for them in "Mac and Dennis Break Up." I chose to convert this room into a bathroom for this story.


	2. Favorite TV Show (Official Sequel)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie realizes that Frank watches him pounding off. He's very bothered by it.

When Charlie returns from the bathroom, he looks at the large hole in the couch. He remembers seeing it when he first entered their apartment, but his brain didn't fully register it because he was...distracted. He would laugh if he didn't feel so weird.

Frank is sitting on the couch cracking his knuckles. Charlie wants to just shut up about it, but he has to ask him. He has to know.

"Why were you in the couch?"

Frank stares at him with a confused expression. Then he smiles softly. "I wanted to hide there and scare you when you got home."

 _Well, you did scare me,_ Charlie wants to say. He wants them both to laugh and put this thing behind them.

"Oh," Charlie smiles blankly at Frank.

He sits down on the couch next to Frank and wraps himself in his red blanket.

Frank yawns. "Wanna watch a little TV before bed?"

"Okay," Charlie says, simply.

***

Frank is sound asleep, snoring up a storm, but Charlie is having trouble falling asleep. He can't stop thinking about that thing that happened. He does believe that Frank was hiding in the couch to scare him. But the thing that still gets to him is the fact that Frank was _watching_ him. The best-case scenario is that Frank only saw the "tail end" and didn't want to bother Charlie because, _duh_ , you just don't interrupt that part if you can help it. But, the worst-case scenario is that Frank watched him _the whole time_.

Charlie shivers. The entire situation makes him uncomfortable because it makes him think about Uncle Jack. Uncle Jack wanted to watch Charlie, too. But maybe this is different. Uncle Jack _deliberately_ made Charlie uncomfortable. He got off on Charlie's distress. But the thing with Frank was accidental. Frank did tease him, but it was normal Frank teasing, not completely fucked up, inappropriate teasing.

 _This is Frank,_ Charlie reminds himself, _not Uncle Jack._ He quietly repeats this mantra to himself until he falls asleep.

***

One night, Charlie is masturbating when he feels the couch _move_. He knows that it's Frank.

Charlie is so shocked that he stops. His body shuts down. He curls in on himself and pretends to fall asleep. It doesn't make any sense, but he hopes that Frank falls for it.

Five minutes pass before Frank pulls himself from the couch and gingerly sits down next to Charlie. Charlie pretends to be asleep for a few more seconds before "waking up."

"Hey, Charlie."

"Hey," Charlie mindlessly replies. He stares down at his blanket. He can't look at Frank.

He wipes his hands on his jeans, wraps his blanket tightly around his waist, and stands up.

 "Going to the bathroom.”

Once Charlie’s inside their bathroom, he tries to just focus on fixing himself up. But his brain can’t stop replaying everything. He can't...he can't sleep here. The first person that pops into his head is Dee. He hopes that she'll let him stay with her. Charlie fishes his pants pocket for his cell phone.

***

"Hello?”

"Hey, uh, can I stay with you tonight?"

"Charlie? Why are you whispering?"

"Can I stay with you tonight?"

"What? Why?"

"Me and Frank are kinda...going through somethin' now and I can't stay here."

"Have you called Dennis and Mac? They've got beer and dude shit. I'm sure they'd _love_ to have you over."

"I kinda feel more comfortable with you?"

"I dunno. I need to think about this..."

"I might have to sleep in the bar..."

"Goddamnit, Charlie. I'll let you stay one night. One. Night. You sleep on the floor, okay?"

"Okay. Thanks Dee."

"Yeah, whatever."

***

Now that he has an out, Charlie feels a lot calmer. He pretends like Frank isn't there and begins to pack his backpack.

"What are you doing?"

"Stayin' with Dee tonight."

"Why?"

Charlie could kill Frank. He can't be serious.

Charlie tries to keep his voice neutral. "Just feel like it."

Frank sighs. "Maybe we need to talk."

Charlie's blood turns cold. He packs faster.

"Nothing to talk about."

"Yes, there is. I—"

"Bye, Frank," Charlie mumbles, slinging his backpack onto his shoulder and walking towards the door.

"Charlie!"

Charlie slams the door behind him.

***

"Goddamnit, Charlie! Get your shit sorted with Frank or I'll throw your ass out!" Dee yells at Charlie.

Dee's phone has been ringing off the hook since Charlie arrived at her apartment. Charlie deeply regrets telling Frank where he was staying. _So stupid._

"Okay, okay, Dee." Charlie is too tired to yell back.

He understands why Frank wants to talk. He understands that they _need_ to talk. But he can't deal with this shit today. He just can't.

Charlie calls Frank. Frank answers on the first ring.

"Hey, Charlie."

"Frank, you're gonna have to stop calling Dee. That's not cool, man."

"Yeah, I know. But we need to talk."

Charlie sighs. "I know, I know. Can we talk tomorrow? I can't deal with this now."

"Okay, that's fine. What time you comin' back?"

"You'll know when I get there."

"Okay, okay. I just want to say—"

"Bye, Frank." Charlie quickly hangs up.

"Is he done?" Dee asks.

"I think so."

"He _better_ be done. Next time I see him, I'm kicking him in the face, I swear to God." Dee kicks into the air like an ostrich, which makes Charlie laugh.

Frank doesn't call the rest of the night.

***

As Charlie lies in his sleeping bag, he can’t help thinking about everything. He saw the hole. He saw it. It’s in the couch sometimes. Frank told him that he's experimenting with hiding things in the couch. It was weird, but Frank’s a weird guy so Charlie didn’t question it that much. Never in his wildest dreams could he imagine that Frank would do "that" again. It’s been so long since the first...incident. _How many times has he been watching me since then?_ Charlie feels like he’s going to puke.

He uses all of his mental energy to remind himself that Frank isn’t like Uncle Jack. Even though Frank has this fucked up "hobby," he doesn’t treat Charlie any differently. He doesn’t come on to him or look at him with lust in his eyes. He certainly doesn’t...do anything...while watching Charlie because he would have blown his cover a long time ago. So, what’s up with this twisted behavior? It’s all too stressful and gross and creepy and confusing to think about.

Charlie tries to focus on Dee’s snoring, which eventually lulls him to sleep.

***

At exactly 8 a.m., Charlie feels his right shin being kicked.

"Charlie, it's morning. Time to leave Dee Land."

Charlie yawns while rubbing his right eye. "That's a terrible name for your apartment."

"Shut up."

***

After Charlie has finished packing up his things, he thanks Dee for her hospitality.

He knows he needs to leave, but he's not really ready to go. _Maybe I'll just sleep in the bar tonight._

"Before you go, I want to talk to you about something," Dee says.

"What?"

"Last night, I had this dream—"

"So?"

"Shut it and let me finish! _Anyways_ , I had a dream about something really creepy that Frank told me."

Charlie's heart starts to beat harder.

"Last Christmas, when me and Dennis were trying to get him to stop being an old boner, he told us that he hides in his couch and watches you masturbate. He was all excited and shit. It was _very_ gross. Is that, like, what you're dealing with?"

Charlie can only gape at her.

"Oh my god! So that's _really_ happening? Holy shit, I _am_ good!" Dee grins widely before remembering where she is. "So, uh, how you handlin' all that?"

Charlie didn't want anyone to know about this, let alone one of his friends. And he _certainly_ doesn't want to talk about it. But, maybe he needs to talk to someone about this before he talks to Frank. That's what friends are for, right?

“Uh, promise me you won’t tell Mac and Dennis about this?”

“Charlie, I _promise_ you I will _never_ tell Mac and Dennis. That would be _way_ too cruel.”

"Okay." Charlie takes a deep breath. "I just realized that Frank has been watching me while I'm...doing stuff...and I want him to stop."

Dee looks confused. "Wait. You're not into that _at all_?"

"No, Dee, what the hell?!" Charlie screams.

"Okay! Jesus, Charlie! You’re two grown men who sleep in the same bed and play 'Night Crawlers.' How the hell am I supposed to know what's going on?"

"Sorry. I just...I just don't know how to tell him to stop."

"Just tell him how you feel."

Charlie feels simultaneously thankful and let down by Dee's advice. "Seriously?"

"Yeah. For whatever reason, Frank thinks you're the tits. So, just tell him how you feel. I mean, he told his _own children_ that he likes watching you _masturbate_ like he was talking about his favorite TV show, so he's clearly too senile to fully realize how fucked up his behavior is on his own. If you tell him how you feel, he'll have to shape up or risk losing you forever. Ew. I think I just made myself...myself..." Dee stops talking to fight her throat spasms.

"You really think it's going to work?” Charlie asks after Dee has regained control over her body.

“Goddamnit, Charlie, _yes_ , it’s going to work.” Dee smiles. “Now go and get that shit sorted out.”

“Thanks Dee. Oh, and, uh, just for the record, I’m _just_ scratching myself. Frank only _thinks_ I’m—”

“Leave before I hurt you.”

“Okay, I’m going, I’m going...”

***

Charlie stands in front of his and Frank's apartment door. He is feeling a bit more confident compared to yesterday, but he still feels like he’s going to throw up.

But he has to do this. He has to—

Suddenly, the door swings open.

Frank smiles up at him. “Holy shit, I didn’t know you were out here. I was gonna go to the Wawa for some hoagies."

Charlie can’t smile. “I’m ready to talk.”

“Okay.”

Frank and Charlie sit on the couch. Charlie stares at the floor.

“You wanna talk first?” Frank suggests.

Charlie swallows, his eyes still glued to the floor. “Why were you in the couch the first time?”

Frank thinks. “I wanted to hide in there ‘n scare you when you got home.”

“You told me that before, Frank. Tell me the truth.”

“It's the truth! I fell asleep and when I woke up you were goin’ at it. I didn’t wanna disturb you.”

Charlie’s heart starts to beat faster. On the rare occasions that he wakes up to Frank going to town, he doesn’t say or do anything about it. He just tries to go back to sleep. He gets it. He gets it. But he has to know why Frank was doing something that _completely_ violates roommate _and_ best friend rules.

“Why...” Charlie is having trouble getting the words out. “Why did you _keep_ watching me?”

Frank rubs his forehead. “I tried not to make it so obvious.”

Charlie feels like he’s going to explode. “There was a hole in the goddamn couch, Frank! How in the hell is that not obvious?!”

“But I told you why it was there...”

Charlie groans loudly. “We’re getting off topic, Frank. I’m going to ask you this again: Why did you keep watching me?”

Frank sighs and shrugs. “I dunno. I just like watching you, I guess. It makes me happy to see you happy.”

Charlie feels like he’s going to be sick. “What do you mean by ‘happy’?”

“ _Happy_ happy! Charlie, I don’t get off watching you if that’s what you’re thinking. I’m not a pervert. I mean, you’re not bad in the looks department, but I’m straight as an arrow and, no offense, Charlie, but if anyone were to turn me gay, it’d be Rex. I just like it when you...”

Frank smiles softly as he stares off into space. He swallows. Starts again.

“I dunno why, but I kept wantin’ ta watch ya. It felt like...it felt like a secret moment between me 'n' you that only I knew about and that was really fun. No. No. That doesn’t sound right. Ignore that. I mean...I dunno. I watched you the second time and I liked it, so I watched you the third time and I liked it, so I watched you the fourth time..." Frank laughs. "It got kind of addicting, I think."

Charlie can’t disguise the horrified expression on his face.

“I feel like I’m buryin’ myself deeper and deeper so I’m just gonna stop. Look, Charlie, I never meant to hurt you. That’s why I lied about the hole and stayed hidden and I didn’t even talk about what I was doing. Yesterday, I realized that you found out and you were freaked out even though you pretended like everything was okay. I don’t ever wanna freak you out like that again.”

Charlie feels air returning to his lungs. “Frank, if that’s true, could you please stop watching me? It's really—”

“Okay. I’ll never watch you again.”

Charlie can finally breathe again. “Thanks, Frank.”

“No problem! Now that we got that settled, do you wanna go to the Wawa with me? I’ll buy you anything you want.”

Charlie can't help but smile. “Sure.”

As Charlie follows Frank out their door, he understands that even though Frank is clearly more fucked up than he realized, he’s _nothing_ like Uncle Jack and that’s all that matters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this story wasn't too squick-y. LOL. I hope you enjoyed it. If you can, please leave a comment. I love feedback. Thanks.
> 
> Canon elements used in this story:
> 
> 1\. Frank admits to Dee and Dennis that he sometimes hides in the couch and catches Charlie masturbating in "A Very Sunny Christmas."
> 
> 2\. Charlie mentions that he has woken up to Frank masturbating in "Mac is a Serial Killer."
> 
> 3\. Mac cleans up their apartment so well he ends up making an extra room for them in "Mac and Dennis Break Up." I chose to convert this room into a bathroom for this story.


	3. Naps - INDEFINITELY REMOVED (Click for Explanation)

After careful consideration, I decided to remove the "Naps" chapter, the unofficial crack sequel to the "Comfy Couch" story. While I love the chapter with all of my heart and I know that the show sometimes goes to even darker places than I did (Examples: Frank engaging in sexual activities with the "Charlie" mannequin while aware that Charlie might be his biological child; Frank mentioning that Dennis' sex tape turned him on), I feel this story should have been a *lot* different considering Charlie's history with Uncle Jack and his belief that Frank might be his biological father.

I believe that a chapter like "Naps" is possible and I might re-write it again one day, but if I re-write it, it needs to be pitch black. The story needs to make readers feel ill to some degree. I love crack!fics, but this one needed a heaviness that I couldn't write.

I thank everyone for the support they've shown me (I was very nervous posting this fic because of how disturbing the content is) and I do apologize that I had to remove the chapter because I know some people liked it.


End file.
